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01

Feb

Act 6: Intermission, Section 1

More like where are we, am I right guys? Whoa, whoa, whoa, lady. Last recap you had just finished Act 4! Then you gallavanted off to California like some mooovie star and left us here to languish in agonized suspense while you partied it up with your “new best friends” from Disneyland. What makes you think you can just crawl back here and—-

Shooooosh. Pap. Just siiiit that nice set of buns back down in that cozy chair of yours, and I will explain everything to you, my sweet, lovely little followersprite, who I so appreciate.

Yes, it’s true, I journeyed to the fabled land of Los Angeles for a graduation trip and devoured all of Act 5 along the way. As flattering as your indignant protests are, I ask you to be honest with yourselves: my commentary, or lack thereof, isn’t worth getting that upset over. Besides, can you blame me? I just wanted to catch up with the rest of you charming souls on the Homestuck road. It was lonely back there, being so behind. So here we are, together at last, at the commencement of Act 6, more or less. A fresh start! Onward, Internauts!

THANK GOD. Ever since this terrible scratch business was brought up, I had visions of Hussie either abruptly ending everyone’s existence or pulling a Wolf’s Rain and rebooting Homestuck with memory wiped John and Co. Both theories combined into one hysteria-inducing mix during [S] Cascade.

I couldn’t have liveblogged that flash. There’s no way to post tears and snot. Get with the bloody times, tumblr.

Wait. Excuse me. What? 

New session. All this talk of meeting new people. Do not broaden my horizons, Hussie. Are fifty characters not enough for you? I don’t want to meet new people. I like the old people. John and Jade and—- and — oh god—-

You did not just blow Dave and Rose to bloody chunks of green asteroid flesh in some horrible set up to have this Jake and his “bunch of friends” step in to fill their slots, did you, Hussie?

I’m with John on this one. I basically have no idea what’s going on, but I couldn’t care less. Dave and Rose are okay. That’s all that matters.

…. Except. That “trust me, I would know" line of Jade’s kind of intrigues me. Her fancy dress is a brilliant, inky sort of midnight black with the same fluorescent jade sparkles that the sun seems to be made out of. This is all the more interesting because Doc Scratch and his crazy, vicious, monster master Lord English have the same shade in their hideous color scheme. Do Jade, Scratch, and English all draw their power from the green sun?  I don’t like them being associated with her, even so loosely; it makes me nervous for poor Minty.

It’s not like she’s got a ton of lives to spare at this point, ya know?

Three years? Three years? 

An accurate summary of my feelings and reaction. Thank you, Eggy.

Of course it’s going to take them three years. This is the miserable, sad catch to an otherwise relatively happy Act V ending for the John and Co crew. Everyone made it out alive, no memories have been wiped, and they’ve gotten a second shot at making this whole Skaia thing turn around. I mean, things almost seem good for the kids. So why not dump a bucket of ice cold rain on their relieved, well-deserved parade? Reunion denied.

I’m very unhappy with this development. What the hell are they going to do for three years anyway? Eat face?

John and I are catching some sweet waves on this identical brain frequency here. “That son of a bitch” seems to fit Doc Scratch’s bill right now. Maybe I’ve overlooked some key point that is supposed to make me realize a note of dramatic irony in Eggy’s impassioned cry, but I guess my eyes and ears aren’t that finely tuned. All I can hear is the nails-on-chalkboard screech of Scratch manipulating and screwing them over. Somehow.

What’s going on again?

Oh. Right. Heartbreak.

Hello, Mr. Jack? This is the Prospit Postal System calling. Yes, I would like to confirm the delivery of a shit-ton of justice that a fine white carapace ought to be placing on your dark, blood-stained doorstep any second now. Also, please note, we do not service Hell. Keeping that in mind, this will be our last dealing with you. Goodbye.

Damn it, Hussie. I’m not in the mood for this redrom garbage right now.

Part of Homestuck’s “charm” is supposed to be inappropriate silliness during (usually literally) dead serious moments. I’m going to be honest with most of you: I rarely find it funny. Maybe that makes me a giant stick in the mud, but when one of my favorite characters is lying face down in a pool of his blood and some vengeance is about to be had by his lady love, I don’t want frivolous stuff like this distracting from what’s going on. You can tell me all day that the redrom/blackrom stuff isn’t actually frivolous, that it has significant meaning in regards to PM and Jack’s relationship, bluh bluh bluh. That may be true—in fact, I’m sure it’s true—but now really isn’t the time to go there. 

I just don’t care for Hussie’s nonchalant treatment of character deaths. I never will. Bluh bluh huge witch.

As much as this cap breaks my heart and makes me blubber into my open jar of nutella, I am glad for it. Finally some reverence. Right after I griped about him having none. Awkward.

Annnnd back to no reverence.

Someone explain to me WHY THE HELL GAMZEE IS STILL ALIVE?

KARKAT

WHAT

WHAT

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Seriously, guys. I hope you all have shocked and horrified Kanaya-like expressions slapped on your precious mugs right now, because this is downright disturbing as far as scenes go. Don’t get me wrong, I love Karkat, but I do not understand why he’s turned to Gamzee for comfort here. Was he blinded by his bloody tears and mistook the murderous troll for his girlfriend? Is is so distraught that he’s temporarily lost his mind and therefore thinks that it’s okay to hug the same dude that just slaughtered half of his friends? Or perhaps his grief is so overwhelming that he’s betting on the psychotic clown doing his bonkers serial killer routine and killing him, thus putting him out of his misery? Those are the only viable explanations to me.

I know these two are supposed to be hanging in the pale quadrant, but it seems like Gamzee’s demented rampage ought to have tainted that delicate color, if not stained it straight black. Personally, if my best friend started picking off the others in my circle in cold blood, I would consider myself done with her. I wouldn’t advocate for her death or anything, but I certainly wouldn’t run into her arms for a hug and a cry after she’s done all these things. Especially if my (non-existent) significant other was on the scene. Frankly, this moment didn’t make any sense; it seemed out of character and drummed up for the sake of a laugh.

Hussie’s fond of doing that, especially in the wake of a death panel. That’s part of the package, I’m aware, and it’s not so extreme (yet) that it makes me drop the comic or anything… but I really hope we start moving away from that. 

HAPPINEEESSSSSSSSS hit her like a train on a track. God tier Dave and Rose look amazing, but… it still makes me kind of sad to think of what they had to face to get there.

Honestly, would someone please get rid of Gamzee? Now.

Exactly, John. Exactly

  1. overallsreadshomestuck posted this